Gender stereotypes are still alive and well in the online dating world, study says

He's just not that into you when you text him first.
Original image replaced with Mashable logo
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

Women, if you think it serves you well to write the first message after matching with a guy, you're wrong. Men, if you think that financial success is irrelevant in dating, you, too, are mistaken. At least if we are to believe the numbers.

Online dating may have practically revolutionised how we date in modern society, but apparently traditional gender roles still dictate how men and women engage in online courtship.

In a major new study from the Oxford Internet Institute (OII), researchers have looked at data from 150,000 – exclusively cisgendered, heterosexual – users on the dating site eHarmony over a 10 year period in the UK. Their findings show that both men and women still exhibit gender stereotypical behaviour when dating online.

The best hookup apps, reviewed by our experts

AdultFriendFinder — readers’ pick for casual connections

Tinder — top pick for fast hookups

Hinge — popular choice for regular meetups

Pure — best for anonymous hookups

OkCupid — best app for inclusivity

Products available for purchase through affiliate links. If you buy something through links on our site, Mashable may earn an affiliate commission.

The study concludes that online dating has not just perpetuated male dominated initiation, but exacerbated it, since men are 30 percent more likely to write the first message.

When women do initiate contact, it doesn't do them much good. The study shows that women's response rate goes down 15 percent when they are the ones to write first. It puts the inequality in the who-writes-first game down to "learned norms".

The study also argues that since Tinder was introduced the "psychological costs" of messaging has declined for men – they simply care less. To put things in context, Tinder was first released in 2012 and had a billion swipes per day by 2014.

The study also shows that yes, women are more likely to be evaluated on their looks than men. Some of the most important factors for determining women's success were physical traits such as age and athleticism, while men are being judged by their degree of agreeableness and altruism as well as their athleticism. Being clever predicts success for men but not for women.

Men, on the other hand, have more reason to be concerned with the size of their pay check than women, since women are still 30 percent more likely to take income into consideration when looking for a partner. But, the study concludes that, over time, a partner's income is becoming less and less important for both men demonstrating that Brits are generally becoming more and more open to dating people with a different financial and educational background.

So, ladies, please be young and fit and whatever you do, don't write first. Gentlemen, be well-paid, well-behaved and willing to take initiative at all times. Or, you know, go with your gut and be yourself because that's the most important thing.

Topics Gender

Mashable Potato

Recommended For You
Gen Z has a new dating app profile rule, apparently
two people smiling at each other

One in 10 young singles stopped dating because it's too expensive, report states
 Young woman calculating spendings looking at bills using calculator while sitting at table

Why Gen Z is ditching mainstream dating apps for 'hyper-niche' spaces
By Jack Dawes
Teens in circle holding smart mobile phones - Multicultural young people using cellphones outside

App fatigue is real. I tested the best dating apps of 2026 to find the ones that really work.
illustration of two women meeting at a bar

Is AdultFriendFinder the best dating site for Gen Z?
By Jack Dawes
Portrait of a Smiling Teenage Boy Standing and Using a Digital Tablet - stock photo

More in Life
Bluetti just launched the Apex 200 portable power station and it's on sale for over $350 off
bluetti apex 200 sitting in the back of a car trunk

$6 billion Binance hack started with a fake job interview
Binance logo and candlestick chart

Sephora's fall Savings Event is live: See the top 25 beauty tech deals on multistylers, LED masks, and more
shark cyroglow face mask, dyson airwrap, and other beauty tech products


Voters approved more than 40 measures to slow or ban data center growth
A lawn sign that reads "Vote yes to ban data centers."

Trending on Mashable
NYT Connections hints today: Clues, answers for November 4, 2026
Connections game on a smartphone

NYT Connections hints today: Clues, answers for November 5, 2026
Connections game on a smartphone

Zelda Switch 2 restock: Live restock updates at Walmart, Target, and Best Buy (Nov. 4)
Zelda 40th Anniversary Switch 2

Wordle today: Answer, hints for November 4, 2026
Wordle game on a smartphone

NYT Connections hints today: Meanings for each word for Nov. 5, 2026
NYT Connections logo.