I personally had a close call. Went to a local music festival with a large group of friends. I was feeling tired and during the final set of the night, a few people the group wanted to head out early to beat the traffic and offered a ride. As I was walking out I decided I can hang in there a other hour and told them I would join back with the rest of the group for the last set.
The next day I found out they were in a bad car accident with a drunk driver on the way home. Luckily everyone survived, but with some narly injuries.
I was 3 weeks away from going to college on a baseball scholarship. That last minute decision saved my college and athletic career, and maybe even my life...
“… F**k, Oreos”
"When is there balls for alls"
"Just complete with dime"
"I see Kmart, but I can’t save price on some curtains? (laughs) f**k!"
"Can I feed you?... It's from the director"
“How long was your daily script?”
"(scoffs) Have you even seen a pickle in real life?"
"We're lucky with our ham size."
"Why not wearing suspended? The spies are wearing suspended."
"We really are singles at home."
"No like, time out, you have a very pampered life. I know."
"No we just painted in there! How'd the cats end up in there?"
"Boom boom, like on the beach boom."
"I don't know, they were talking about rocks and rocks and the Rockies and rocks and they were saying kick rocks at the game last night."
“If it fits it sits… if it fits it sits.”
“Oh my god… there’s a dog”
“We don’t get offers and events as partners, we don’t even get that job… stop... we don’t sell alfa groffers”
“Do you have an ice? It’s every uh… nice blood.”
“Bring me the noodles!”
(Yelling) “I’m not going to be held back by some Mr Sirloin.”
“I’m coming out, I’ll come out somewhere... I’ll be back at noon.”
“Hulk smash, Hulk smash!” (smacks the bed two times)
“I’m feeling more normal in the middle. Eating cereal like it’s almost back to normal.”
“Your spirits never going to die.”
“I’ll get it for you shim shum.” (pats the bed to call kitties)
“Hold on looking… looky booky… So that’s why I didn’t see any crackers.”
“That burns, give me back my iron man.”
“I think the only thing we change is no pigs in room.”
“I have a top voice, I use my big voice.”
“Thank you ChatGBT”
“If it’s hurting my education, then stay outta my kitchen.”
“I’m a two bra(u)t brat breaking out! Maybe someone with one of them.”
My 11 yo is hitting puberty and shot up 3 inches last week. As is my habit, I called her ""my littlest pookie", and today she looked me in the eye and said, "you do realize you're the littlest pookie in this house, right?"
Just let me die
