ThrowRAMyscopes

Four months ago, while drunk, my MIL confessed to me that my wife was not FILs daughter and that she was the result of a SA that happened by a family member. MIL and FIL were dating at the time and decided to pass my wife off as FILs. They were both very young and they got married as soon as they were able. MIL sobered up the next day and told me that my wife could never know. I told MIL they should tell my wife in case she finds out some other way. MIL said it was now my job to make sure that never happened.

I spoke to MIL and FIL a few times and pushed them to tell my wife the truth. I told them I could not keep this secret from my wife forever. They refused. They told me I could not make them tell her and it would be cruel to tell her she was born from something so disgusting. MIL also said it wasn't my story to share with my wife. It was hers and she was choosing not to.

In the end I was the one who had to tell my wife. My ILs would not do it no matter what I said.

I'm sure people will understand my wife did not take the news well. She tried to speak to her parents about it and got nowhere. They're still refusing to discuss it and my wife and MIL have screamed at each other over this. My wife always felt her mother was different with her than her siblings and now she understands why.

My wife doesn't want therapy for this. She doesn't want more people to know. She has begged me not to say anything and I have assured her I would not. But I don't know how to help her and because I was the one to tell her, she has pushed me away and has admitted to being angry with me on and off since I told her. It feels like we'll be divorced if we can't work through this but she can't face me, she's also dealing with SO much emotionally and she refuses therapy because she said she would need to speak about it and she doesn't want it out there more.

I don't know what to say or do to best support her. Right now it feels like I'm the last person she'll accept support from other than maybe a therapist. But nobody else knows. Her parents aren't going to be there for her and I feel guilty for telling her. I would also feel guilty lying to her face and keeping this huge secret from her too. Because then the trust would be damaged, likely beyond repair.

I'm stepping up in ways that I can so she can take time for herself. I make sure I encourage her to do things that make her happy. I have taken over all of the household chores most days and I make sure she gets more time where the kids aren't all over her. I have told her I am here, that I love her, and I have asked her what she needs. But I don't think she knows and I think because it's me she's struggling to accept it.

I'm here because I want to be a good husband here but I am struggling. And I can't speak openly about this to anyone.