r/relationship_advice

Four months ago, while drunk, my MIL confessed to me that my wife was not FILs daughter and that she was the result of a SA that happened by a family member. MIL and FIL were dating at the time and decided to pass my wife off as FILs. They were both very young and they got married as soon as they were able. MIL sobered up the next day and told me that my wife could never know. I told MIL they should tell my wife in case she finds out some other way. MIL said it was now my job to make sure that never happened.

I spoke to MIL and FIL a few times and pushed them to tell my wife the truth. I told them I could not keep this secret from my wife forever. They refused. They told me I could not make them tell her and it would be cruel to tell her she was born from something so disgusting. MIL also said it wasn't my story to share with my wife. It was hers and she was choosing not to.

In the end I was the one who had to tell my wife. My ILs would not do it no matter what I said.

I'm sure people will understand my wife did not take the news well. She tried to speak to her parents about it and got nowhere. They're still refusing to discuss it and my wife and MIL have screamed at each other over this. My wife always felt her mother was different with her than her siblings and now she understands why.

My wife doesn't want therapy for this. She doesn't want more people to know. She has begged me not to say anything and I have assured her I would not. But I don't know how to help her and because I was the one to tell her, she has pushed me away and has admitted to being angry with me on and off since I told her. It feels like we'll be divorced if we can't work through this but she can't face me, she's also dealing with SO much emotionally and she refuses therapy because she said she would need to speak about it and she doesn't want it out there more.

I don't know what to say or do to best support her. Right now it feels like I'm the last person she'll accept support from other than maybe a therapist. But nobody else knows. Her parents aren't going to be there for her and I feel guilty for telling her. I would also feel guilty lying to her face and keeping this huge secret from her too. Because then the trust would be damaged, likely beyond repair.

I'm stepping up in ways that I can so she can take time for herself. I make sure I encourage her to do things that make her happy. I have taken over all of the household chores most days and I make sure she gets more time where the kids aren't all over her. I have told her I am here, that I love her, and I have asked her what she needs. But I don't think she knows and I think because it's me she's struggling to accept it.

I'm here because I want to be a good husband here but I am struggling. And I can't speak openly about this to anyone.

I am going to try to make this as straightforward as possible. Due to my father's recent death, I came into a substantial amount of money. My best friend's wife, who I also consider a friend, works for an estate planning attorney. I have a kid with an ex (27F). My ex and my best friend's wife got quite close when my ex and I were together and remain close.

I went to my best friend's wife about the inheritance to set up a meeting with her boss to discuss estate planning. I had a good meeting, we have set up a revocable trust for my kid with various contingencies and whatnot. I have not discussed this at all with my ex because I see it as none of her business. Well, my best friend's wife apparently told my ex about the things I was doing with my estate. My ex called me furious (Just for context, we have split custody, but I pay child support due to making significantly more than my ex, and the inheritance has no impact whatsoever on my child support obligation). I told my ex: (1) this was none of her business, and (2) she has no right to know about that. When I pressed my ex, she admitted my best friend's wife told her.

I called my best friend mad myself. His wife eventually called me and apologized. She said she let a few things slip over drinks and then when my ex pressed her, she gave the details. She begged me to not tell her boss. My best friend made the same request. I love both these people and understand mstakes can happen. But, I am also upset and do not know how to deal. Any advice on how to navigate would be appreciated.

Hey everyone, I just need to vent and honestly get this out of my head because it’s been running in the background 24/7.

About 10 months ago, my ex-girlfriend completely blindsided me. She ended our relationship entirely over text. To make it worse, she came to my house while I was 400kms away and took things without my knowledge or permission. When she left, she explicitly told me to never contact her again.
Because she set that boundary, I respected it.

The relationship ended over allegations of infidelity on my part as we both tested positive to an std. I was never unfaithful and felt as though she was slightly deflecting it on me , or I had it before the relationship started as I never had an std test.

I didn’t reach out, I didn’t chase her, and I’ve spent the last several months just trying to process the breakup and heal. It’s been incredibly hard, and honestly, I haven’t felt emotionally ready to even think about dating anyone else.
Then, out of nowhere, the situation completely changed. I recently got a phone call from Births, Deaths, and Marriages (the government registry). It turns out she had a baby and put my details down on the official form, claiming I'm the father.
I haven't even received the actual paperwork in the mail yet, but my mind has been spinning. It feels so hypocritical that she demanded no-contact, refused to have a mature, adult conversation with me about any of this, and then used a government agency to drop this bomb on my life.
I’ve been feeling guilty, wondering if I should have reached out sooner or if I'm being selfish by staying silent now. But the truth is, I’m just trying to protect my own mental health after how messily things ended. For now, I’m planning to keep my distance, respect her original no-contact wish, and just wait to see what the formal paperwork actually says before I make any moves.
Has anyone else ever dealt with an ex cutting you off completely only to drop massive news through a third party months later? How do you stop it from taking over your head?

Is it okay for me to just walk away or do I contact her ?