My boyfriend is African American and our relationship is falling apart because we have very different perspectives on racism.
I'm not white but I was raised by a white family who loved and supported me. Because of that, I've had positive experiences with white people in my own life. That doesn't mean I ignore history or pretend racism doesn't exist. I know the atrocities that have been committed and I find them disgusting.
The problem is that my boyfriend says I "praise white people" because I don't speak about them with the same level of anger that he does. He can't understand how I can acknowledge everything that's happened without feeling hatred toward white people as a whole.
I told him I feel like judging people because of their race is racist, regardless of who it's directed at. He disagrees and says Black people can't be racist toward white people because of the history of oppression and what white people have done to Black people. We can't seem to get past this difference in how we see it.
From my perspective, I don't think it's right to judge an entire race. I believe people should be judged as individuals. I can recognize historical and ongoing racism while also recognizing that not every white person is responsible for it.
He feels that my views make me part of the problem and has become convinced I'm the enemy. It hurts because I'm not trying to dismiss his experiences or defend racism. I'm just trying to approach people as individuals rather than by their race.
Has anyone been in a relationship where your views on race were this different? Were you able to understand each other or did it end because your values were simply incompatible?
